We often want to get what we want but sometimes, wanting something so badly can do no good to anyone. Our eagerness can lead us to the dark side or may leave us frustrated. In many years of struggling to survive, I tend to succumb to what is laid for me. I got tired of fighting in what I believe in. I got so occupied by non-sense things that I seem to forget to value the people around me…. to value my own being.
I wish I can go back to the time where I started to fall apart. I could have faced my anxieties back then. I should have not runaway from it. I wasn’t able to settle some issues that led me to this weak emotional foundation. Sometimes, regret will just hit you in your face but we cannot live in a world full of regrets as they say. And no matter how angry I am to the people who turned me in a beast, still I am thankful in a way. Mistakes are the greatest lessons in life. It made me more human.
I’m hoping to shape myself to the way I used to… before all the pains and suffering. This reminds me of the homily in today’s gospel. The priest mentioned that there is no resurrection if there is no crucifixion. Suffering comes in our way but these sufferings will lead us to a much better place. “Nasa Diyos ang awa, Nasa tao ang gawa”, I remember father telling that to everyone who attended the mass tonight. We should not blame God for all our sufferings but we should be thankful for it but it is molding us to become a better person.
The biggest challenge in this world is to be able to face the mirror without being scared of what you will see. Believe in yourself that we can face our problems and achieve our ultimate goals. Right now, I can’t just look back and throw tantrums at anyone. Partly, as I’ve said, I am thankful for I have learned. Although, sometimes (just like this very moment) I hate experiencing "this" certain phase in my life that led me to be this vulnerable.
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